Fall Down, Pick Yourself Up.

Hey guys!

Sorry I disappeared there for awhile. Things have been crazy busy!
I have been very ill. I got a cold that turned into a severe illness, what a battle! It got so bad that I've literally been depressed the entire time I have been ill. I completely lost my voice so I couldn't sing in choir or talk at all. I had infected tonsils and a horrible cough (won't go into details), so I couldn't play any instruments. My fever had sky rocketed, thinking and concentrating were out of the question. My body was weak, and I couldn't walk very well or do anything. I was the definition of useless. I also got some sort of stomach flue, yikes.  It was a very hard week to go through. Today I feel better, so it's been study for quiz at 9am tomorrow and do all of the homework I fell behind on that's due tomorrow and stress out day. I feel sick again already.
Being this sick really got me thinking horribly about myself again. Being ill makes me loose faith in my abilities and in myself overall. I had a huge panic attack today while trying to do all of my homework, there just wasn't enough time in my mind. I think I was actually hating myself; I haven't done that in awhile. I still don't like myself as much as I should, but not like I did today. I hurt my own feelings, which was weird and painful. I really wanted to quit right there. Drop my major, go to the Junior College and get a B.A in something, some two year degree. Maybe just become a housewife! Go find a nice guy with financial stability and be like "Hey need a wife?" Hahahaha I was really rambling to myself at that point. But I literally lost the ability to go on with my work for an hour, I felt so useless. And then, somehow I got over it. It was the weirdest sensation! Two seconds prior I was literally on the verge of tears, and then I went back to my laptop and finished two of my assignments. How the brain works....I'll never understand. I still feel rotten, physically, mentally and emotionally,  but will get better. I can feel it. Broken pieces can fit back together, it just takes time to heal.

So, what have I been up too besides being ill? So. Much. Work. I'm learning clarinet! Hard to keep a solid tone on it, but it's pretty cool! Hmm, I volunteered for a Jazz Festival thing for the CMEA as a stage manager. That was pretty cool, even though I was still really sick. But the festival was fun because of the amazing people working with me. Love you guys! <3

School has been busy, I've had this many units before but for some reason the spring semesters are always harder! Yikes!
This week Chamber Wind Ensemble rehearsals start! That will be fun! And Astronomy is very interesting, I like it!  And the rest of the classes are pretty good too, the same as before but very different at the same time!

Sorry for the weird, and depressing update. I should go continue to study and do homework. I hope everyone has a great week! And hopefully  I will see you guys soon (to my followers who I know in person, haha).

Bye bye.